A new school year means new routines, a long list of jobs and, for separated parents, plenty of decisions to make together. Knowing where you stand legally, and agreeing the practical details early, can take much of the stress out of term time and help your children settle.
The start of the autumn term is a busy time in any household. There is uniform to buy, routines to re-establish and a steady stream of forms, clubs and school messages to keep on top of.
For parents who have separated, the return to school can also raise questions about who does what. Who takes the children in on the first morning? Who goes to parents’ evening? Who pays for the new shoes, and who signs the consent form for the residential trip?
None of this has to turn into a dispute. With open communication, a clear understanding of where you both stand legally and a practical plan agreed in advance, the school year can run smoothly for both households, and most importantly for the children.
What Parental Responsibility Means for Separated Parents
Parental responsibility is the legal term for the rights, duties and authority a parent has in relation to their child. A mother has it automatically. A father has it if he was married to or in a civil partnership with the mother, or if he is named on the birth certificate (for births registered from December 2003 onwards). It can also be obtained by agreement with the mother or through a court order.
Parental responsibility survives the end of a relationship. Every parent who holds it is entitled to a say in the important decisions in their child’s life, including:
- Where the child goes to school
- Decisions about medical treatment
- Religious upbringing
- Changing the child’s name
- Taking the child out of the country
Everyday decisions, such as what the children eat or when they do their homework, are normally made by whichever parent they are with at the time. Significant decisions, including a change of school, should be made together.
How Schools Should Treat Both Parents
Schools are expected to treat both parents with parental responsibility equally, whichever home the child lives in. That means each parent is entitled to:
- Receive school reports, newsletters and general updates
- Attend parents’ evenings, performances, sports days and other events
- Be consulted on important matters affecting the child
It is worth checking with the school early in the year that both parents’ details are on record and that communications are going to both of you. If only one parent’s details are held, the other can easily miss something important.
Occasionally a court order will limit a parent’s involvement, and a school will act on any order it is shown. Without an order, though, the school should not favour one parent over the other.
Term-Time Decisions Worth Agreeing Early
The school year brings a series of recurring practical questions. Settling how you will handle them now, rather than when the situation arises, avoids misunderstandings later. Think about:
- The school run: who does drop-off and pick-up on which days, and what happens if plans change at short notice
- Uniform and equipment: who buys what, and how the cost is split
- Trips and clubs: how you will decide which activities the children take part in, and who pays
- Consent forms and permissions: whether one parent handles these or you take it in turns
- Homework and revision: how you will support the children consistently in both homes
- Illness: who collects a poorly child from school, and who provides cover if that parent is at work
- Inset days and half terms: how childcare will be shared when school is closed
- Parents’ evenings: whether you attend together, separately or alternate
Many of the same principles apply to the longer breaks. Our earlier article on co-parenting through the summer holidays covers holiday planning in more detail.
Parents’ Evenings, Plays and Sports Days
Being at the same school event as a former partner can feel uncomfortable, particularly if the separation is recent or a new partner is now on the scene. Children, though, generally benefit enormously from seeing both parents at their nativity play, football match or awards assembly.
If attending together is not realistic, most schools will offer separate parents’ evening appointments or find another sensible arrangement. Ask early rather than assuming it cannot be done.
Deciding Which School Your Child Attends
Choosing a secondary school, moving into a new catchment area or considering a change of school are all decisions that both parents with parental responsibility should be part of. One parent should not move a child to a different school without the other’s agreement.
If you cannot agree, either parent can ask the court to make a Specific Issue Order deciding which school the child will attend. The court will decide on the basis of what is in the child’s best interests, with the child’s welfare as its paramount consideration.
Applications for secondary school places usually close at the end of October, with primary applications due in mid-January. If a school decision is on the horizon, it makes sense to start talking about it early in the autumn term.
Why a Written Parenting Plan Helps
A parenting plan is a written agreement between separated parents setting out how they will care for, and make decisions about, their children. It is not legally binding, but it gives both of you a clear reference point and can be updated as circumstances change.
Cafcass, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service, publishes a free online template, now called Our Child’s Plan, which covers education, health, holidays, communication and finances. Many families find that working through it together, or with the help of a mediator, resolves issues before they become disputes.
When Co-Parents Disagree About School
Some disagreement is inevitable. When it happens, it usually helps to:
- Focus on what is best for the children rather than on past grievances
- Put things in writing when emotions are running high, keeping messages short and business-like
- Consider family mediation, which offers a structured, confidential setting to work through issues with a trained mediator
Where agreement genuinely cannot be reached, a family solicitor can advise on your options, which may include applying to the court for a Child Arrangements Order or a Specific Issue Order. Before most applications you will be expected to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), and a government-funded mediation voucher may be available to contribute towards the cost of mediation where children are involved.
One Routine Across Two Homes
Whatever you agree, the aim is for your children to experience the school year as a single consistent routine rather than two competing ones. Small things make a difference: keeping term dates and events in a shared calendar, making sure PE kit and reading books travel between homes, and speaking positively about the other parent in front of the children.
Children who see their parents co-operating over school matters tend to feel more secure, and that security shows in the classroom.
Getting Help With Co-Parenting Arrangements
If you are struggling to agree school or childcare arrangements with your former partner, or would like advice on parental responsibility, parenting plans or child arrangements, our Family & Divorce Team can help you find a way forward that works for your family. To talk through your situation, please call us on 01253 362 500.
Disclaimer: The content of this website blog is for general awareness and insight. This is not legal or professional advice and readers should not act upon the information provided, they should seek professional advice based on their own particular circumstances. The law may have changed since this article was published.
FAQs
Does the school have to keep both parents informed?
Yes. Unless a court order says otherwise, a school should treat both parents with parental responsibility equally and share information with both, regardless of where the child lives.
Can my ex move our child to a different school without asking me?
Not if you both have parental responsibility. A change of school is a major decision that should be made jointly. If you cannot agree, the court can decide through a Specific Issue Order.
Who should pay for school uniform, trips and equipment?
There is no fixed rule. Child maintenance is intended to contribute to a child’s everyday costs, but many parents agree separately how larger or one-off expenses such as uniform, trips and equipment will be shared.
Do both parents need to sign school consent forms?
For routine matters such as a day trip, schools will generally accept consent from either parent with parental responsibility. Where the school knows the parents disagree, or the decision is more significant, it may ask for both. Agreeing between you who deals with forms avoids confusion.
Will I have to go to court to sort out school arrangements?
Usually not. Most families resolve these issues through discussion, a written parenting plan or mediation. Court is a last resort where agreement cannot be reached.
