Divorce can be a difficult experience for everyone involved. If you have children, it is likely to be your top priority to manage their emotions and protect them in any way that you can from the negative impact of divorce.
This can be tricky to do if you are feeling stressed, upset or are going through a particularly contentious divorce battle.
Our Director and Head of the Family Law Team, Donna Amos, share 10 ‘golden rules’ to help separating parents focus on their children’s protection during divorce.
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Prioritise their Needs
Be patient, flexible and understanding. Whilst you might have some difficult discussions and disputes to deal with, make sure that your children’s needs are at the top of the agenda. Focus on the best possible outcome for them – even if that means backing down on some points or being open minded to alternative solutions.
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Show Love and Reassurance
Children require constant reminders of your love and support. It is quite common for children to blame themselves for their parent’s separation, so ensure they understand that it is not their fault. Provide physical affection combined with verbal affirmations to boost their security.
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Present a United Front
Whilst you and your ex-partner might struggle to see eye-to-eye, it is important to put disagreements aside when it comes to co-parenting. Make sure that you are both parenting in the same way and delivering the same responses when it comes to discussing the separation and what is going on.
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Don’t Bad Mouth Each Other
It is incredibly damaging and upsetting for children to hear negativity about their parents. Avoid name-calling, put downs or any negative discussions about their other parent. This includes making sure they do not overhear any private conversations. Its vital to foster good relationships with both parents and this will fall apart if parents are bad-mouthing each other around the children.
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Business as Usual
Whilst you might be going through a major life event, it is important to keep routine and normality going for your children. Try, wherever possible to stick to their usual routines, bedtimes, weekend activities etc. Some stability is really important as children navigate major changes.
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Honesty and Discretion
Depending on the age of your children, it might be suitable to discuss reasons for the divorce. This might help them understand and stop them from forming their own assumptions. You should be clear and honest but avoid going into details or speaking negatively about their other parent.
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Be Fair and Reasonable
Children need both parents in their life as long as it is safe and possible. Avoid actions that stop one parent from having contact. Try to keep schedules fair so that both parents have quality time with the children whilst you navigate how a long-term contact plan will look.
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Create a Support Network
Children can benefit from the care and presence of extended family or friends during this time. Let them know that there are other adults they can talk to if they are feeling upset. If your children are struggling to come to terms with the changes, it is sensible to speak to their school so that they are aware and consider counselling or therapy if they need additional support.
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Look Out for Changes
Your children might not always express their distress openly, so its important to be attentive to subtle signs. Look for shifts in mood, withdrawal, uncharacteristic behaviour, acting up, lashing out or picking up new nervous habits.
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Keep them Updated
Without sharing every detail of the divorce process, it is important that they are not kept in the dark. Update them when milestones are reached and give them plenty of warning if changes are coming up – such as moving out, new contact arrangements etc.
Going Through Divorce
Divorce is undoubtedly a challenging time for the entire family, but with mindful effort and collaboration, you can shield your children from its most detrimental effects. Implementing theses 10 ‘rules’ provides a foundation of stability, trust and love which is important to support your children throughout a difficult time.
With divorce, mediation and collaborative divorce processes – it is possible to have an amicable separation as long as both parties are committed to achieving the best outcome for the family and are open-minded. For further information on co-parenting through separation, take a read of CAFCASS’s Parenting Plan.
Talk to Us
For initial divorce advice, child contact arrangements or any other legal support around your separation, please get in touch with our friendly and approachable Family Law Team.
Call us on 01253 362 500 or email info@bbelaw.co.uk. Alternatively, complete the contact form on our website for one of our Solicitors to call you back.