When parents separate, most are able to agree between themselves how much time their children spend with each parent. But for some, reaching an agreement can be far more complicated. Emotions can quickly spill over into the family court, and magistrates and judges may have to decide what happens next.
In recent years, a term has gained increasing attention in both legal and psychological circles – ‘parental alienation.’ It describes situations where one parent tries to turn a child against the other, sometimes by criticising them, creating fear, or undermining their role. While the phrase is used often, it’s also widely misunderstood, and can carry serious implications for families and the courts.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation refers to behaviour that intentionally or unintentionally damages a child’s relationship with one of their parents after separation. This might involve negative comments, emotional manipulation, or deliberately limiting contact.
CAFCASS (the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) describes “alienating behaviours” as actions where one parent deliberately undermines or harms a child’s relationship with the other parent.
Common examples may include:
- A child expressing unjustified negative feelings about one parent
- Sudden resistance to contact without clear reason
- The resident parent encouraging rejection or hostility
- A child using adult language or accusations that echo the resident parent
- Restricting or blocking communication with the other parent
- False allegations against the non-resident parent
These signs can vary in intensity and don’t always mean parental alienation is taking place. Children may resist seeing a parent for a range of reasons, and that’s why each situation needs careful, professional assessment.
A Complex and Often Contested Issue
The concept of parental alienation has been debated for decades. Some experts believe it helps to explain deeply conflicted family situations. Others, including some women’s rights organisations argue that the term can be misused to discredit genuine claims of abuse.
At the same time, fathers’ rights groups often claim that false allegations are sometimes made to prevent contact. Both perspectives highlight just how sensitive and complex these cases can be, and why it’s vital that children’s voices remain central to any decision-making.
Why Labelling Too Quickly Can Be Harmful
Applying the label “parental alienation” should always be approached with caution. Not every instance of a child’s reluctance to see a parent is the result of manipulation. There may be valid reasons – including the child’s own feelings, developmental stage, or past experiences.
It’s also important to understand the difference between “parental alienation” and “implacable hostility.” While both involve conflict, implacable hostility often stems from anger or resentment between parents, but the child still feels love and security with both. In parental alienation, one parent actively seeks to break or damage that bond – and the emotional consequences can be profound.
Taking a curious and open approach helps to uncover what’s really going on. Every family is different and rushing to assign blame or labels can create more conflict, distress and confusion for everyone involved.
What Can Parents Do?
If you suspect parental alienation may be happening, early intervention is key. There’s often a lot that can be done before the courts need to step in.
- Keep communication open – even if it’s difficult. Keep your messages factual, brief, and focused on the child’s needs.
- Avoid blame – criticising the other parent or involving the child in adult disputes can increase anxiety and mistrust.
- Seek neutral support – this could be from a counsellor, mediator, or family friend who can help you see things from the child’s perspective.
- Focus on consistency – maintaining regular routines and contact (where safe) provides stability and reassurance for the child.
Children benefit most when both parents support their relationship with the other, and when they are protected from adult conflict.
When Legal Advice is Needed
When a couple separates or divorces, one of the first questions we hear is, “what will happen to our children?” Every child and every family is different, and there’s no single solution that fits all.
Seeking professional legal advice early can help you understand your rights, responsibilities, and the best options available. Wherever possible, our team at Barker Booth & Eastwood will work with you to find a resolution outside of court. But where legal proceedings become necessary, we ensure that any allegations of alienating behaviour are properly investigated and that your child’s welfare remains the court’s priority.
Our role is to guide you through the process with compassion and clarity – helping you to protect your relationship with your child and reach a sustainable outcome for your family.
A Final Thought
Parental alienation is an emotionally charged and painful experience. But recovery and resolution are possible. With the right guidance and support, families can rebuild trust and create healthier dynamics for the future.
If you are concerned about issues of parental alienation or difficulties around contact arrangements, our friendly and experienced Family Law team are here to help.
Please contact us on 01253 362500. Alternatively, you can email us on info@bbelaw.co.uk or complete our enquiry form online, and we will be in touch to arrange a call.
